Sunday, July 10, 2011

Bloomy's Gets Bossy

Ok friends. Where do I start this week? My head is spinning with such ferocity, I must look like that weird stress vomiting chick from the Exorcist and/or Scary Movie 2!!  There’s only one thing to be done when my head feels like this… bulleted list!

Bulleted list of things we have done this week, complete with awesomeness rating:
  • Bloomy’s is in business baby! I am proud to announce the birth of our first brain child, Bloomy’s Roast Beef, LLC! As in actual company! What now son?! The Rhino, being his typical chivalrous self, allowed yours truly to be the majority owner of this LLC. Oh snap!  Now that I’m his boss, I can say things like “Get me a mountain dew!” …and he does!   

    Awesomeness rating:  1,000!
  • Oh yeah, so I’m totally going to spill the beans about Phase One! For those of you not yet informed and/or couldn’t guess from my awesome clues last time and/or the Facebook picture… here it is………. <drum roll in my head>………………
Introducing, the BLOOMY’S FOOD TRUCK! Taaa daaa!



(The above picture is in no way shape or form representative of the actual Bloomy’s food truck.
We created it with the help of Google Images and Rhino’s Paint Shop Pro skills.)

Awesomeness rating:  infinity!!!!

  • Feeling light headed after a major vent session, the Rhino and I decided that the Bloomy’s food truck will be refusing service to the following individuals (warning: this part might be offensive… to people on the list):
    • D-bag bouncer at the Triple Rock social club. Go tackle someone else from behind. This lane is closed!
    • George Lopez. Your accent sounds fake and your show is not funny. You bug!
    • Anyone who looks and/or sounds like a woman version of William Shatner (this means you Kathleen Turner).
    • Girl from the bar who told me I had a really big forehead. Watch this forehead as it boots your flat butt out of line. Smell ya later!
    • Tom Wilberg. Damn you touchdown stealer from 17 years ago!  The Rhino and I are both obviously very affected by this, even though I didn’t meet the Rhino until two years ago, whatever. 
    • Ravi from the Bronx who can’t speak or spell but apparently thinks Bloomys.com is worth ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Eat my shorts Ravi!  
Awesomeness rating:  11 (unless you’re on the list)

  • Our combined math skills enabled us to determine that, in order for Phase One to break even, we need to achieve a whopping .03% market penetration (does anyone else giggle like a 12 year old boy every single time they hear or read the word penetration? Just me? Okay… soooo …embarrassing).
Awesomeness rating:  217

  • Anyway, we’ve put in a whopping 30 hours of work into Bloomy’s this weekend (the Rhino via depreciation formulas, prime costs, controllable profit, net income before tax - and the ever popular cash flow before tax - not to menion five year operating projections...    and me via twitter (@BloomysRB represent!) and writing this here blog) so we’re off to go die on the couch and watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars (yes!). After an epic fail trying to find enough change in the cushions to buy the food truck, we’ve decided to go plead our case to the bank. Cross your fingers for us and maybe we’ll give you some free roast beef...or maybe we'll be asking you for cash donations.  ;-)

3 comments:

  1. This is Ryan's brother in law. I suggest getting some healthy snacks also for those who are watching their waist line:-) Wishing you both the best on your new business venture, so when are you guys coming over to visit?

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  2. And I want baked chicken!!!!! LOL

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  3. I knew it! OR maybe it would be more accurate to say that I had a very, very strong gut feeling that the venture would roll in on wheels. VERY COOL. I love the food truck experience. There is a twitter feed down in Austin TX that I follow that gives the low-down on all food truck announcements/locations/rants/raves for that area. Always handy to have when the Does do Austin. Haven't checked to see if MN has one or not. Get on that bandwagon if there is!! Good luck!!!

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