Monday, August 22, 2011

Dollar Begging Video, Take One

The Rhino and I had a great plan this week to launch our official dollar begging initiative. I was incredibly excited about this project seeing as it would require a video, and I have always wanted to indulge my secret fantasy of becoming the next Steven Spielberg (never minding the fact that I have never touched a video camera before in my life nor have I really done anything related to movie making besides working at a movie theater as a popcorn popper and going to lots of movies, obvi*.). In any case, I prepared myself by doing the following:

*obvi: abbreviation of obviously. I love Bloomy’s roast beef sandwiches, obvi.

Official Pre-Shoot Research To-Do List:
(1) Watch all videos other like-minded food truckers have created to raise money via
(2) Gather good ideas and use to create script outline
(3) Research fancy script lingo on moving-making websites and For example: “INT. Bloomy’s Test Kitchen. Day” (which is script lingo for – “we are taping inside in the Bloomy’s test kitchen during the day”).
(4) Write script over lunch.
(5) Spend free time thinking about how sweet and awesome this video is going to be.
(6) Get special camcorder from the Rhino’s mom.

I completed each and every task on this to-do list and felt very accomplished. Trust me. We were prepared... Until the actual day of shooting arrived that is.

Day of Shooting – Saturday
7:45am: My car doctor place called with an update on my car’s sickness. I had dropped off my beloved vehicle (‘99 Honda Accord - that I affectionately refer to as “Frederick” - complete with numerous door dings and cruise control that only sometimes works) the night before for some TLC as it had been acting rather peculiar lately. The guy on the phone told me two things needed to be done to which I replied with something that I can’t recall seeing as I had just been woken up from a dead sleep.

7:48am: The Rhino asks who it was on the phone. Great. Now we’re both awake.

8:00am: The Rhino and I can’t fall back asleep so decide to get up and start the shoot. Mind you, this is the earliest we have ever been up on a Saturday except for when we have plans to be somewhere.

8:15am: The Rhino begins making breakfast and I decide to shoot some action shots. I get out the special camcorder (the first time I have ever laid my hands on one! Yessss! Movie making will come so naturally!). I figure out how to turn it on after like 5 minutes and some assistance from the Rhino. He goes back to making breakfast, and I get in his grill with the camera. Several minutes later, I realize it’s not in focus. I figure out where the auto focus is after another 5 minutes and some additional assistance from the Rhino. Good, great. Ready to go!

8:30am: I have taken some fantastic footage and sit down to a hearty breakfast. Afterwards, the Rhino and I attempt to hook the camcorder up to his laptop so we can see my Hollywood professional level handiwork. We soon see that the laptop isn’t noticing the camera and realize we need a disc to install some ridiculous software to get the video to transfer. This disc may or may not be at his mom’s house … an hour away. I yelled.

10:00am:  The Rhino discovers a smart workaround after over 1.5 hours of Internet research.

10:30am: Video footage transfers! Yes! Here we go! We watched it together and… well, the Rhino didn’t say anything, bless his heart, but I can tell you that the footage was fairly horrendous. You would think I had no clue how to make a movie! We also realized that the USB cable resulted in a really shoddy video complete with line jiggles. It looked awful. I yelled.

12:00pm: The Rhino and I returned home after a trip to Microcenter to get a new (better) cable and some Mountain Dew, the grocery (to get a roast beef for the video footage of course) and picking up Frederick from the doctor’s office.

1:00pm: Let’s try this again. The Rhino digs out his professional tripod that he just happened to have lying about in the garage (I wasn’t surprised either) and sets it up very Hollywood-style (see below picture for proof as well as proof of the Rhino in video-editing mode). He gets to work on the roast beef and I take some (hopefully better) footage of his efforts.

Rhino & the Hollywood style tripod.

6:00pm: 5 hours of trial and error later, we have approximately 10 seconds of video completed. We decide to switch gears and start working on our lines and taping ourselves begging for dollars.

11:00pm: I have fallen asleep on the couch until the Rhino yells at me to wake up. We have had approximately 11 fights and 3 dagger-eye-death-stare-downs in the last 4 hours. However, the roast is done and the Rhino needs me to take more footage. I press ‘record’ on the camera and refuse to answer any of his questions seeing as I was again woken up out of a dead sleep, haven’t eaten since 8:30am, am furious at my lack of movie making skills and at am super furious at the Rhino for telling me that I need to be “more enthusiastic!” on camera. He is in a similar furious state and gives me another dagger-eye-death-stare (bringing the day’s total to 4). I respond by saying “I NEED MORE ENTHUSIASM!”

12:00pm: We eat the juicy delicious roast beef, slamazing mashed potatoes & gravy, and green beans (a.k.a. Bloomy’s Platter) but are too tired and mad to even look at each other. Then we promptly pass out on the couch. We have taped exactly 37 minutes of usable footage (1 hr, 37 min of actual footage.) Good job!

Day of Repairing & Licking our Wounds - Sunday:
9:30am: We wake up and I, for one, am still angry about our super lame Saturday. The Rhino seems to be doing okay, so I remind him about our epic failed efforts and try to get him to be in a bad mood with me. It doesn’t work.

11:00am: THANK GOD WE SCHEDULED A MASSAGE FOR TODAY! We head to Massage Envy to get amazing massages from our faves – Denise (who I refer to as Debra) and Artem (who I refer to as Anton). An hour later, my bad mood has dissolved along with like 1,000 muscle knots. We walk out feeling like new people.

12:00pm: I sit down to begin editing our 37 minutes of usable footage and realize that the quality of the video on my computer looks like crap. I yell. A lot. I may have also yelled “F**K!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs after pounding the table and stomping into the bedroom, where I promptly burst into tears (a.k.a. yes, I unfortunately had another whack attack). The Rhino, bless his heart still, follows me in there after prying the door open (I slammed it) and tells me it’s time to put the video project aside for the day (I think in his head he meant forever). I respond by slobbering all over him and saying in a muffled slobbery voice: “I’mjustsofrustratedandIcan’tgetanythingtogorightandIdon’twanttogotoworktomorrow. Boooo hoooo!!!!”  Then I got mascara on the pillowcase. 

4:00pm: After a late lunch of Longhorn sandwiches (YUM) and Bloomy’s mac & cheese (we already know how I feel about the mac & cheese) AND relaxing via a 1.5 hour long super-hot bath (me) and playing Call of Duty (the Rhino), we were in love again. Awww…

8:00pm: Harry Potter marathon has officially ended, except we only had one movie so it wasn’t much of a marathon. We decide to make some nachos using the jalapenos from our garden. I volunteer to cut up the jalapenos like a proper sous chef.

Rhino: “Make sure you don’t rub your eyes.”
Me: “Right on.”

>> 9 minutes later <<

I rubbed my eyes.

>> 2 seconds later <<

I started on fire.

Me (running frantically to the bathroom): “CAN YOU GET ME THE EYE DROPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He then brings me a glass of milk that I repeatedly splashed onto my actual eyeballs. I don’t even care at this point that I am rubbing a dairy product in my face… or that Rhino has seen me at my official low point. I respond with the following:


>> 4 minutes later <<
Me: “Ugh, I still have jalapeno juice all over my hands, can’t you smell it?”
Rhino: “Um, all I can smell right now is sour milk.”
And this, my friends, concludes our wonderful weekend of movie making. A weekend that has completely crushed my dreams of EVER being like Steven Spielberg. At least we learned some very valuable lessons, such as:

(1)  ALWAYS wear gloves whilst chopping jalapenos.

Well, at least we didn’t kill each other. Stay tuned for more, as next week we will have some slamazing footage of our movie making experience. Until then…

1 comment:

  1. You guys are killin me.. you're insane! LMAO. Kidding.....

    Paul would probably like to add this tip:

    Do not hold your pecker while peeing, immediately after chopping jalapenos. He learned his lesson. 'nuff said.